it seems to be such strange days that I'm tumbling through, my feet not quite dragging along pathways, my hands no longer reaching out like mantillas in the winter sky now that spring has settled on the trees and the leaves, each little cell blossoming, vibrancy in the air. they have let go of gloomy days and darkened times, seemingly there is no more to grasp. I used to look for the golden in the sunset and search for value in the dirt. but I have settled for less. I have settled for what is around and not what is to come. from the garden I smell the odor of roses in the rain and I gaze towards the sky, filled with birds rising high and higher, caught by a sudden sense of freedom.
I wish I could relate, I wish I could put pieces of shattered vases back to one. but they have shattered and so has my mind. the pain remains un-felt. it began to feel a little subtle and tender to have no head and a fickle heart with emotions unstable. the only thing I keep in mind is my dreams, the ones I had at night. maybe they speak honestly to me in a way I suspect no one else to do. interaction is such a hurtful thing when you don't know where you are.
and if I were to locate on a map for where I stand, I'd search for places I dream to see me in, or those that I am deathly afraid of. when in fact, all I long for is the truth and home.
I am weak no longer and deep no farther. hit a wall, fell to the ground, stretching out my limps to find comfort in the warmth the earth can provide.
no matter how hard I try to put myself into beautiful imagery, the less I understand what I am up to. I try to realize who I am at the moment, analyze each bit of it ..
when truly, the only thing I should have learnt to never analyze is me.